Author's Note:

Words and music by David Foster and Linda Thompson. Vocals by Whitney Houston.

TRACK 6: I HAVE NOTHING

by

Dayspring





"Sandburg, get your ass out of bed!"

Blair heard the familiar morning wake-up call and groaned. He knew it had been a dream, Jim loving him, Jim allowing him to possess him. Things like that would never happen in real life.

"Sandburg!"

"I'm awake!" he yelled back, knowing good and well that the sentinel knew he was awake. He opened his eyes, and stared. Skylights. His room didn't have skylights...but Jim's did. He sat up quickly and looked around. He was in Jim's bed, wearing nothing but memories of a good loving. Well, shit. It had happened. He grinned from ear to ear. Then he sobered. Oh, hell. It had happened. Now what?

He looked around for something to put on, feeling suddenly awkward about parading around in front of Jim in the nude, Jim, whom he had left, then seduced. Jim, who had left him alone in his bed. Jim, he glanced at the picture of the laughing woman on the nightstand, who was involved with someone else.

He grabbed Jim's robe and tied it around himself as he trooped down the stairs. "What's the rush, man? I thought you had the day off, and I don't have a class until two."

Jim stood looking out the balcony doors. "We need to talk-- out of bed and fully clothed."

"And in the full light of day?" Blair added sadly, fearing he knew exactly where this talk was headed.

"Yes."

"I'll be right out."

Jim was standing in the same position when Blair returned, freshly showered and dressed. "I made coffee, If you want anything else--"

"Coffee's good, Jim. Give me your mug and I'll get you a refill." Their hands touched briefly as the cup was transferred, and Blair's heart raced.

"You're worried," Jim said softly.

"No, I'm scared."

"Of?"

"Of where do we go from here."

Jim shrugged and leaned his head against the glass door. "I meant what I said last night, Chief. You have the power."

Blair blushed when he remembered the moment he had forced Jim to tell him that. The memory continued until he felt the passion beginning to stir in him again. No. This conversation was too important to interrupt with a quick fuck. Speaking of..."You made some, uh, inroads in the power arena last night too."

Jim shook his head. "Who's on top is not a power issue to me."

"I know," Blair said. "And that surprised me. I had thought with your need to control, you wouldn't like..."

"I like anything you do to me, Chief. And as long as there is an 'us' involved, position doesn't matter." He laughed at the confusion on his partner's face. Poor Blair. He knew how he felt. To think you know someone, only to find out that what you know, is only a small percentage of the whole person. He went through that every day with a certain roommate of his. "Yes, I need to be in control in most areas of my life. But when it comes to my heart, I trust you, Blair. Lead, and I will follow. Just tell me what you want."

Share my life,

Take me for what I am,

'Cause I'll never change

All my colors for you.

Take my love,

I'll never ask for too much,

Just all that you are,

And everything that you do.

"What about Rose?"

Jim sighed. "Is she the one that caused you to run?"

"Yes. You were, are, happy with her, Jim."

"She's a special woman, Chief. I admit, we seemed to be heading toward a closer relationship--" Blair's breath caught in his chest painfully, "-- and it's going to hurt her when I tell her it's over, no matter how gentle I try to be."

"Tell her it's over?" Blair croaked.

Blue eyes glared at him. "You know me better than that, Chief. I would never date Rose after being with someone else. And I never would have been with you, if Rose was the one I wanted."

"You're...you're choosing me over a woman, with whom you could have a normal relationship?" Even this close to the millennium, a homosexual couple was fair game-- maybe not legally, but socially. And Jim worked a job where respect meant adequate back up and disrespect meant....

"I would choose you over anyone, Blair." He smiled as his hand reached out to stroke one of the long brunette curls. "And when have we ever had a normal relationship?"

Blair sighed, refusing to be teased into a lighter mood. "I love you, Jim. But I don't want you hurt because of that love."

"Then don't hurt me.

You see through

Straight to the heart of me.

You break down my walls,

With the strength of your love.

I never knew love like I've known it with you

Will the memories survive,

Ones I can hold onto?

"You have that power, Blair. You have the power to destroy me. If I didn't know it before, I did when I read the letter you left behind. Nothing anyone else can do to me-- call me names, refuse to work with me, nothing-- can hurt me as badly as you can. Maybe that's something you'd rather not know. Maybe that's putting too much pressure on you. But you're the one who coaxed me into letting you inside. You're the one who kept pounding on my shell until it cracked. Be careful what you wish for, Chief, because sometimes you get it," Jim said dryly, turning away from Blair's sad eyes.

Hands wrapped around his waist. "It's not that I don't want it. It's just an awesome responsibility, and I'm not sure I'm man enough for the job."

"You're the only man for the job, love."

I don't really need to look very much further.

I don't wanna have to go where you don't follow.

I won't hold it back again,

This passion inside.

Can't run from myself,

There's nowhere to hide.

"You have such confidence in me," Blair murmured.

"Because I trust you, because you've never let me down when it counted."

"That's not what you said when Alex Barnes blew into town." The stomach muscles beneath his hands clenched. "And maybe you were right."

"Neither of us are infallible, Blair. We've both stumbled and fallen. Hell, I let you fall...all the way to the other side."

"But then you came for me."

"I was headed in that direction anyway. The only reason I made it back was because you were with me."

"Don't say that, baby," Blair whispered against his back. "That is too much responsibility. If something happens to me--"

"Then it happens to me. I can't change the way things are, Chief, the way they have always been, the way they will always be, regardless of whether we go forward from this moment together or not. But if I have any say in the matter--"

"You do, Jim."

"I would like for the chance to walk this path with you."

Don't make me close one more door,

I don't wanna hurt anymore.

Stay in my arms if you dare,

Or must I imagine you there.

Don't walk away from me.

I have nothing, nothing, nothing

If I don't have you.

Blair smiled. "That sounds so formal. Are you courting me, Jim?"

Jim turned and wrapped his arms around Blair, getting and giving an embrace. "Is that what you want? Would you like for me to drop to one knee and declare my undying love for you? Do you want me to send you roses? Tatoo your name across my heart? Whatever you want, love, is yours."

Blair looked up into the sky blue eyes and plunged into them without a parachute. "Kiss me," he demanded. Jim obeyed. "That is how I expect to be awakened each morning. No more of this 'get your ass of bed, Sandburg!' crap, understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"And no public displays of affection. I want us to concentrate on our relationship, not on what others think."

"None?" Jim asked curiously. "Won't that seem odd?"

Blair thought about it. Hell, PDAs were a given between the two of them, weren't they? Touching to anchor, to reassure, to comfort, to register the other's presence.... Others would get suspicious if that stopped. "Okay, no excessive PDAs."

"You mean like this?" Jim kissed him again, then nibbled on his ear.

"Yeah, like that," Blair sighed, feeling his knees weaken. "Baby, I don't know how in the world you think I have any power, when you can reduce me to a puddle so easily."

"You're not the only puddle, Chief."

Blair smiled and leaned against the strong chest of his mate. "We're a pair, aren't we? Sentinel and guide, detective and observer, Jim and Blair--"

"Love and lover."

"Heart and soul.

Jim looked out and saw the broken frame still on the balcony. "Who knew there was such a difference between night and day? For a while I thought..."

"Don't," Blair's lips silenced him. "That's over. No more night, baby. For either one of us."

"Love you, Blair."

"Love you, Jim. Now and forever."

Don't make me close one more door,

I don't wanna hurt anymore.

Stay in my arms if you dare,

Or must I imagine you there.

Don't walk away from me,

Don't you *dare* walk away from me.

I have nothing, nothing, nothing...

If I don't have you.

The End